What to Talk About on Your Next Date

Even if you’re happily married you might find dates kind of awkward sometimes. What do you talk about? I know we struggle at times to have an easy flow of conversation, too.

Mature Couple Enjoying Meal At Outdoor Restaurant

How to Appreciate Your Spouse

Maybe your spouse has complained to you that he or she just doesn’t feel appreciated. Well, let’s just take that at face value today and work on this whole appreciation thing. It can only help, right?

Portrait of a mid adult couple smiling

Your Marriage Needs an Intimacy Checkup

Intimacy is one of the deepest needs of the human heart. We all crave it and we all enjoy it when we experience it in our marriages. Today, you need to pause and consider how you’re doing on the intimacy in your marriage.

intimacy-in-marriage

So You Stayed Married Just for the Kids’ Sake, Now What?

What happens if your marriage really hasn’t been that great but you’ve been sticking it out for the kids, or for some other reason. Let’s say the reason you’ve been sticking it out is no longer relevant… Now what?

Small empty bird nest, looking down, wooden boards as background

I Want To Fix Our Marriage and He Doesn’t. Now What?

Here’s today’s question:

“Background: I grew up in an abusive home (my father is an addict and a bully, but my mother never reported his abuse to authorities or tried to explain that what he was doing was wrong- we just pretended that nothing had happened afterwards) and my husband grew up in a home with not much affection or healthy communication.

Marriage Questions & Answers

My Spouse is Flaunting Him/Herself on Social Media

A listener wrote in with the question:

“How do you set boundaries with social media? What’s acceptable to keep the marriage from the pressures of the world. For example: One spouse doesn’t like revealing pictures put out and the other is getting physically fit and feeling the need to parade?”

Marriage Questions & Answers

Listen to the podcast for Caleb’s answer!

Extreme Sex Drive and Infidelity From Testosterone Therapy?

This week, we have a question from one of our audience members who wanted clarity on her expectations around side effects of her husband’s testosterone therapy.

Marriage Questions & Answers

“What experience do you have with testosterone therapy for men? I believe part of the cause of my husbands infidelity is due to to much testosterone pellets and an excessive need for sex. I do not excuse him for one minute for the devastation he caused. think If that is going to be an available treatment for a medical condition some kind of information and counseling should be required as to how you will feel.

We are 2-1/2 years past D day finding out of multiple hookups just for sex. We’d been married for 36 years!!! He is 59 and I am 57 right now. I credit my faith in keeping this altogether with out telling anyone or counselling. Not a great idea after the fact. He’s moved on from the infidelities and I still struggle at times.

Q2: I guess I’m trying to understand if testosterone can make you impulsive and have the need to have sex in abundance. I feel you should be in control if your self, but if you are on the high end of the testosterone scale 1200-1500 can it change you ? I do know hormones are powerful and make you feel all sorts of things.”

Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!

 

After Infidelity, How Do I Trust My Husband Again?

This week, Caleb answers a very touching question from Betty*, one of our email subscribers. She asked,

Marriage Questions & Answers

“I responded a few months ago, rather aggressively, may I add, to your husband’s question. And of course, he graciously responded with a question that pierced through my pain and frustration and found my heart. He asked,” Do you still want to be married?” I thought about it for weeks!! Please let him know that we found a local counselor, who is also our pastor, and have been progressing, to say the least. What you two do is so vital in a world that opposes marriage and commitment in general.Thank you! Thank you!
Anyways, to respond to your request, my question would be  … ” After infidelity strikes, how do you trust your husband again?” I know it takes time to learn how to trust again, but how do you truly grant yourself the space to be vulnerable in that way? Or … are you bruised for life? Sometimes I feel like I am a shell of who I once was; a child learning to be confident in herself and womanhood, it’s embarrassing. 
So glad, this is anonymous! lol . Even if this isn’t broadcasted I’d love your take on this.”

Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!


*name changed for confidentiality reasons

If My Husband is a Sex Addict, Should I Divorce Him?

Peggy* wrote in to ask about sexual addiction and its effects on marriage. She writes,

Marriage Questions & Answers

Verlynda,

First, I think your plans for traveling for a year sounds awesome!  What an exciting adventure to undertake.  Your family will be in my prayers that you will only experience slight bumps in the road and have a wonderful family bonding time!

I love the podcasts and feel so lucky to have found you.  I think the first one I listened to was something on infidelity.  

I’m wondering if you might consider doing a podcast on sexual addiction. While the effects on a marriage are similar to infidelity there’s a deeper undercurrent with it.  I knew there was something off in our relationship and questioned if my husband was having an affair,  he always answered “no,”  so I just thought he was a workaholic along with the impact of binge drinking.  Finally, in the depths of his addiction he began receiving texts messages and phone calls that tipped me off.  

Sexual addiction has a broad range of activities from porn and beyond.  My husband’s issue started with pornographic magazines back in the 70’s and escalated to going to bars for lap dances.  It basically followed the invasive changes that sexual addictions has taken in our society and how accepted it has become.  The attitude of” boys will be boys” doesn’t help but speaks to the maturity level of some men in the American culture.  He was taken with being desired by other women and became infatuated with several but insists he never loved them only me.  I still deal with the hurt and pain that he could break our marriage vows and the years of deceit and lying.  I really don’t feel I was acting co-dependently in this because I was asking if something was wrong and we consulted several marriage counselors over the years.  He admits he wasn’t honest with them also.  

I have listened to many podcasts and YouTube’s on this topic.  I feel that Marsha Means and Barbara Steffens approach to looking at the PTSD or PISD (post infidelity stress disorder) it causes for the spouse has truly helped me.  Plus I accept that this addiction is rooted in an intimacy disorder.  Many “experts” support divorce but I chose not to take that path because of my religious beliefs.  So I was wondering if you might look at the issues of sexual addictions from a perspective of staying in the marriage. 

Thanks so much,
Peggy*

PS  I have to admit I love both of your laughs!  Keep up the great work!

Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!


*name changed for confidentiality reasons

My Husband’s Sexual History Is Affecting Our Intimacy

Today we have a question from one of our audience members who is asking for help to overcome some significant mental barriers around her husband’s sexual history.

Marriage Questions & Answers