How awesome does it feel to be completely understood by someone – to feel that they ‘get’ you when you are explaining a problem!? Do you want to be a spouse that is able to give this blessing?
Listening to understand is one of those skills in marriage that doesn’t have a very sexy label, but is going to go a long ways towards building a thriving, passionate marriage.
This is a quick episode again as we are still vacationing in South Dakota!
Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in the field of marriage therapy, encourages couples to establish what he calls, “rituals of emotional connection.”
There are hundreds of possibilities, but in this episode we share with you a quick one that we practice nearly every day. We use it in that busy time between getting home from work and eating our evening meal together.
I know we all can come out with some doozies in a rip-roarin’ marital. However, one of the most important rules of fair fighting is: the threat of divorce is never on the table.
In your marriage, is sex more about quantity or quality?
One stereotype we always hear is that men just want it all the time and women do not. But the fact of the matter is, many factors come into play: body image, anxiety, menstrual cycles, social cues or influences, etc. So deriving meaning about the purpose of sexual intimacy from the frequency of sex is not always a great strategy.
Sometimes it is just too scary to let someone else make the decisions. Other times the fear of losing someone is so powerful we won’t even let ourselves get close to them. These sound rather extreme, but are more common in marriages than we might think. Let’s take a look at what triggers these fears.
If you’ve ever come up against some really strong feelings – either your own or someone else’s – then you’ve probably felt yourself freaking out a little bit. Going into flight, fight or freeze mode! In Part 2, we talk about the fear of feelings and the fear of anger.
When you hesitate and find yourself stopping just before sharing something very personal with your spouse, how do you make sense of that? Shouldn’t we be able to share everything with our soul mate?
We started with the subject of in-laws in Episode 6 and learned that there are some powerful but subtle psychological mechanisms that can come into play in our relationships with our in-laws. The more we are aware of these things and of our own “stuff”, the better equipped we are to maintain a healthy relationship with the new set of parents and siblings that usually come with marriage. Today, we finish our discussion before heading over to a fascinating question from a member of the OYF clan.
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “Wow, how did you do that?” “I would tell you”, answered the magician predictably, “but then I’d have to kill you.” After a moment’s pause the same voice yelled back “Can you tell my mother in law?”
We all know that one sure fire way to get cancer is by smoking cigarettes. What if there was one thing that is cancerous to marriage? Today we’re going to look at one feeling that could destroy your marriage and what we can do to defend ourselves against this.