Helpful Resources for Infidelity

I want to fix our marriage

If My Husband is a Sex Addict, Should I Divorce Him?

Peggy* wrote in to ask about sexual addiction and its effects on marriage. She writes,

Verlynda,

First, I think your plans for traveling for a year sounds awesome!  What an exciting adventure to undertake.  Your family will be in my prayers that you will only experience slight bumps in the road and have a wonderful family bonding time!

I love the podcasts and feel so lucky to have found you.  I think the first one I listened to was something on infidelity.  

I’m wondering if you might consider doing a podcast on sexual addiction. While the effects on a marriage are similar to infidelity there’s a deeper undercurrent with it.  I knew there was something off in our relationship and questioned if my husband was having an affair,  he always answered “no,”  so I just thought he was a workaholic along with the impact of binge drinking.  Finally, in the depths of his addiction he began receiving texts messages and phone calls that tipped me off.  

Sexual addiction has a broad range of activities from porn and beyond.  My husband’s issue started with pornographic magazines back in the 70’s and escalated to going to bars for lap dances.  It basically followed the invasive changes that sexual addictions has taken in our society and how accepted it has become.  The attitude of” boys will be boys” doesn’t help but speaks to the maturity level of some men in the American culture.  He was taken with being desired by other women and became infatuated with several but insists he never loved them only me.  I still deal with the hurt and pain that he could break our marriage vows and the years of deceit and lying.  I really don’t feel I was acting co-dependently in this because I was asking if something was wrong and we consulted several marriage counselors over the years.  He admits he wasn’t honest with them also.  

I have listened to many podcasts and YouTube’s on this topic.  I feel that Marsha Means and Barbara Steffens approach to looking at the PTSD or PISD (post infidelity stress disorder) it causes for the spouse has truly helped me.  Plus I accept that this addiction is rooted in an intimacy disorder.  Many “experts” support divorce but I chose not to take that path because of my religious beliefs.  So I was wondering if you might look at the issues of sexual addictions from a perspective of staying in the marriage. 

Thanks so much,
Peggy*

PS  I have to admit I love both of your laughs!  Keep up the great work!

Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!


*name changed for confidentiality reasons

I want to fix our marriage

My Wife Won’t Stop the Affair. How Do I Save My Marriage?

Jason* wrote in to say:

“First all, huge thanks for what you are doing. My marriage is still in trouble, and it’s even getting worse and worse. But thanks to your podcasts, I’m more ready to forgive and to accept my wife after her infidelity disclosure.

The question is as follows. How do I fight for my marriage and my family (there are children) and my wife while she’s undecided to stay or to leave as she feels in love with her affair mate?

She’s saying she can’t imagine to be my wife anymore while she can’t imagine losing me as a father of our children and part of the family. In other words, she wants to do life together, but not as husband and wife…”

Listen to the podcast episode to see what Caleb had to say to Jason.


*name changed for confidentiality reasons

I want to fix our marriage

How Can I Help My Wife Be More Trusting?

Joshua* writes:

My wife and I started dating, got married the next year, had our first child a year later, and then our second child the following year. Around the same time as our second child was born, an ex-girlfriend texted me.

Conversations started as just “Hey, how’s life?” but quickly escalated to sexting as we used to do when we dated. Right before I could tell my wife, she saw the texts and got very upset. I had already ended communications with this girl and just couldn’t strike up the nerve to tell my wife what I had done.

Fast forward a couple months and we had been through about a month of counselling session. Things were getting better between us and then I had to go on a business trip. I had a few friends I had planned on meeting with while there, but there was one in particular my wife was not comfortable with me talking to. So I told her I wouldn’t meet with that friend, but I lied. She later found out and again had to start mending our relationship.

Things have been going pretty well, except now I have a week long business trip coming up and she keeps bringing up the past issues. I know what I’ve done and how I’ve messed up, but she keeps bringing it up. I ask her not to because it still hurts so bad, but she does anyways. What can I do in this next month or so in order to help build her trust again and help her to stop bringing up my past mistakes?

Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb’s answer!


*Name has been changed for confidentiality reasons

How To Rebuild Your Marriage After An Affair

Perhaps you’ve never gone through an affair in your marriage. Or perhaps you have. Have you ever felt the gut wrenching kick to your heart, or spent sleepless nights wondering where he is or what he’s doing? Or maybe you’re completely numb and not feeling anything anymore…

Continue reading

How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

Even if it feels impossible at this moment, I want you to know that it is possible to rebuilt trust, to create safety and to restore intimacy to your marriage. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or simple. I can’t even promise that your trust will never be broken again. But I am saying that it is possible.

Continue reading

3 Ways To Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Who ever starts their day by thinking, “Hey, I’m going to have an affair today?” Doesn’t happen! But, how many people do you know – or maybe this has been you – that find themselves one day asking, “How did this affair ever happen to our marriage?”

Our prayer in writing this is that it makes someone who is reading, suck air and go “OH BOY – it’s time to make an about turn because I’m headed for a serious marital train wreck!”

[youtube id=”01uHrFa2i7w”]

Continue reading